


Longing

by ultradespairgirl



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Bullying, Depression, Fluff, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, angst with a decent ending, depressed kaito, gakupo is a good person he's just a tsundere little shit, kaito is a nerd, lots and lots of headcannons, near self-harm, will probably fall into adult themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-06-05 09:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6699574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultradespairgirl/pseuds/ultradespairgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought himself to be selfish, inconsiderate, and repulsive, so he created a fake person. He made himself smile no matter what, be kind, alluring-the kind of unflawed nice guy people wanted to see. Even still, a joke was all he was. He longed to be taken seriously, to be loved, to be... He desperately longed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a human AU. It will contain lots of angst, hurt/comfort, and will probably fall into adult themes.

"See you tomorrow, Kaito!" The director of the current music video he was starring in says, smiling and waving. 

"Right!" Kaito chirps, smiling brightly and turning around, grabbing his bag and heading out of the studio. 

The smile fell. 

He didn't want to be back there. Not tomorrow, not ever. He was a joke to everyone; no one ever took him seriously, or gave him credit, or figured there was more to him than that fake, always smiling nice guy. 

He didn't want to be that guy anymore.

He should've been happy. He was singing a "collab" with Hatsune Miku in the song “Cendrillon”, and he was going to be able to interact with her. 

That alone is huge. Hatsune Miku is the most famous singer in the country, and Kaito is just another singer who is beginning to be recognized. 

It didn't help that he idolized and admired her to a great extent. When he started his music career, he looked up to her as a role model. 

She was so gorgeous. Her voice was amazing, she could reach whatever note she wanted to, sing any kind of song. She portrayed herself so perfectly; her smile was so bright and breath-taking and she had eyes one could see the sun through. 

He wanted to be like her. 

But there were a lot of reasons why he couldn't. 

His voice, for one. He would never be able to reach notes as high as she could. His voice was just too low. It was way too low, he thought, it was only suitable to a specific sort of songs, which he didn't think he would get far in his career. 

His appearance. He was so scrawny. He still had pimples popping out all over his face, that he covered with make up each day. He really needed glasses, he was practically blind without them, but he thought he looked too weak and nerdy wearing them. So he wore contacts each day. They were uncomfortable. 

His personality. Lots of people had met Miku before, and they all said the same thing: she was a sweetheart. She could be a little sassy sometimes, or get annoyed, but overall she was such a kind person. He wasn't. Or rather, he didn't find himself to be. 

He thought himself to be selfish, inconsiderate, and repulsive. So he created a fake person. He made himself smile no matter what, be kind, alluring; the kind of unflawed nice guy people wanted to see. 

And yet, not matter how hard he tried people still treated him like a joke. Especially when they wanted him to star in music videos. 

He was always being harassed in music videos. "For the sake of the song" "It's just playing a character" they said, they always said that. It didn’t change the fact that it made him feel inferior.

There were many examples. 

He had written a response to Hatsune Miku's “World is Mine”, and sent it to her in the hopes she would acknowledge his skills and want to get to know him. It was a dumb idea. She had shown the song lyrics to her manager, when it was supposed to be a private love letter. 

When he was asked to sing the song and star in a music video with her, he was very excited and overjoyed. Maybe they could become friends; maybe she could teach him a thing or two about singing or fame. 

It didn't turn out anything like that. 

He was projected as a lovesick, unwanted fool. His drawing was ripped to shreds by her "for the sake of the video". His pudding he had made for her was spilled all over his face.

He was punched in the face by a flustered, blushing Miku. 

Of course, she didn't actually punch him, but it sure felt like a punch to his heart.

After the music video, however, she had apologized for how she had to act in the video and hoped to become friends. 

It made him feel bad on how he was angry about the way he was treated in the video. It was just for money and views, anyway.

He figured their friendship meant nothing to her. 

He was tired of being a joke; he wanted to be taken seriously. 

No one tried to get to know him behind that smiling facade, no one seemed to care. They only cared about money, and views, and popularity, and that wasn't the reason Kaito had started his music career.

He had wanted to share his music, and make people smile when they listened. He had wanted to encourage others to pursue their career no matter their voice style. Most of all, he wanted to help people get through hard times. When he was depressed, even now, he would use music to drown out reality and escape, if only for a little while.

And yet, no one cared. 

It made him so angry. For the most part, it made him sad. 

_Clash!_

Kaito found himself beginning to fall to the floor after bumping harshly into someone. He closes his eyes and prepares for impact. However, someone grabs his arm and pulls him up before he falls. 

He opens his eyes slowly, and finds himself facing a man. The man was a few years older than him, by appearance. His long purple hair was tied into a high pony tail, and he looked a bit agitated as he glared with his blue eyes.

"You should watch where you're going." He says.

Kaito stares at the handsome man, and when he realizes he had been gawking at him, he quickly averts his eyes.

"S-Sorry." He apologizes, bowing. "I wasn't paying attention, and I..."

The man interrupts him. "It's pretty late. What's a kid like you doing out here?"

"I'm not a kid... I'm nearly twenty, you know!" Kaito retaliates, annoyed. "It's no surprise you don't know what I'm doing, anyway." 

He didn't expect someone to know who he was. A popular singer? Right. He wasn't very popular, and he found his singing to be pretty damn bad. 

"I know who you are." The man says. "Kaito, was it?"

Kaito's heart skips a beat, and he stares at the man, "Y-You know who I am?"

"No, a guess." The man says sarcastically, shaking his head. "Idiot."

He walks off. 

Kaito stares down at his feet, feeling his eyes begin to water. His day had already been pretty bad, he didn’t need another trigger for his tears.

He sniffles softly, holding back his tears and beginning to solemnly walk off to his own apartment. Always crying, always weak.

The man turns around, having heard the soft sniffles coming from the blue-haired boy. He narrows his eyes, wondering if he had just imagined it. 

It wasn't too hard to believe, however. He knew that the semi-famous singer Kaito wasn't all fun and smiles as he was always portrayed. He figured perhaps he wasn't just the funny, nice guy he was in music videos. 

Yet in all honesty, he didn't really care about some pathetic man’s life. He had his own music career to worry about, and anyone who has the potential to get in the way would be pushed away. 

It's not like he was heartless. He wasn’t. He did feel guilty for calling a man with issues something so mean. He was having a very bad day after receiving some especially terrible news, and found himself taking his anger out on others; to be honest, he was disgusted at himself.

The blue-haired man would get over it; after all, they were just words.

He tried to tell himself that, and yet the guilt in his heart grew by the second. He sighs, and turns around. 

"Look—"

Kaito was walking off into the road, not looking around to make sure if there was any cars heading towards him. There was. 

The man's eyes widen, and quickly he runs over there. He grabs Kaito's arm and pulls him back, catching him by his back before he fell. 

Kaito had probably just evaded near death. 

The car drove past them at amazing speed, the passenger in the car yelling, "Watch where you're walking, idiot!"

From the quick speed the car drove, the man was not able to see who the person was.

Insults. Another one. That was all Kaito ever seemed to receive. 

He gets out of the man's tight embrace, a bit embarrassed, grabbing his bag and beginning to walk away. "You didn't have to do that."

The man narrows his eyes. "You should be grateful. You could've died."

Kaito turns around, eyes locked on his shoes. He mumbles, "So what?”

The man doesn't answer, instead he puts his hands in his pockets and walks away. Whatever problems Kaito was dealing with wasn’t his concern, nor was it his business.

Finally, Kaito was left alone in the street. 

He sighs, and crosses the street, heading to his apartment.

Once he removes all his makeup, contacts and clothes to take a shower, he stares at his reflection in the mirror. There were large eye bags under his eyes, and various pimples scattered across his face.

He tears his gaze away from his reflection and heads into the shower. 

After changing into his pajamas, he lays down on his bed. The clock read 11:03 PM.

He set his alarm for 4 AM.

After silencing his loud, jumbled mind, he forced himself to fall into a deep, dream-filled dream.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaito's backstory will be explained in detail here. Be sure to review the tags before continuing the story, as some of the themes might make you uncomfortable. Bear with me, as I do have to create an entire backstory and personality for him, so my apologies if it isn't to your liking.

The loud beeping of his alarm jolts his eyes open. Kaito groans, and presses snooze. 

Little did he know that that was the fourth time he had pressed snooze. 

Opening an eye to look at the time, he realizes it was nearly four thirty. He immediately stands up, panicking and taking his pajamas off. He quickly changes into his usual, brushing his teeth and hair, grabbing his bag, and running out of his apartment. 

He calls for a cab immediately, and once he was inside and told the driver his desired location, he sighs.

I always mess things up, don't I?

He only hoped the people at the studio didn't think he was more trouble than he was worth. 

And Miku–what would she think?

He runs a hand through his hair, and realizes he hadn't properly brushed his hair. It was a mess. His makeup was sloppy, only enough to just barely cover his pimples and eye bags. His eyes bothered him–his contacts were poorly placed. 

Pressing the camera application on his cellphone, he turns the camera to the front and looks at himself. 

Oh, God. 

He rushes to fix his hair, but realizes he hadn't brought his brush. Instead, he settled for running his fingers through his hair and trying to make it neater. 

His hair didn't look good, but not bad either. He would just fix it in the studio normally, but now he was late. He'd have to get on set right away, he thinks. 

After about an hour of driving, the driver stops. He had reached his destination.

He notices the lights and music from the outside, and panics, beginning to exit the car. 

"Hey," The driver says, reaching for his arm. He flinches, inching away. "You ain't gonna pay me?"

Kaito blinks. He blushes a bit out of embarrassment, and realizes he had forgotten his wallet. 

"S-Sorry, I, um, I forgot my wallet. Can I pay you back?" 

"No." The driver, an elderly, grouchy old man, spits. "We’re going to have a problem.” 

"But I'm—"

"Is he giving you trouble, Kaito?" Someone asks. They both turn towards the voice. It was Kaito's manager, a lady in her thirties.

"I forgot my wallet..." Kaito trails off, scratching the back of his head apologetically. 

His manager, Yuuki, shakes her head. She reaches into her purse and takes out her wallet, and after asking the driver how much Kaito owed she hands him the money. 

Apologizing once more, Kaito gets out of the cab. "I'm really sorry, Yuuki-san. I overslept, and I panicked, and—"

Yuuki smiles, about to ruffle his hair but deciding against it. "It's fine, Kaito, it happens to everyone. Don't worry about it."

They both begin to walk into the studio. "No, it's not. I mean—I completely messed everything up. And this—this was huge. I'm so sorry. You deserve someone better, Yuuki."

"Hey, don't talk like that. Snap out of it.” Yuuki says with a firm expression. “Everyone makes mistakes every once in a while, but there's always a chance for redemption."

She smiles, opening the door for him and letting him inside. 

Kaito returns the smile, a bit weakly, "Okay." 

He didn't believe her. He didn't understand why she continued to stay by his side. 

It was no mystery why he was this way. Kaito came from a very poor family–well, if you can even call it a family.  
It’s not like it was always that way. In the early years of Kaito’s birth, he was loved. His parents had their lives together, they loved each other, they maintained each other, made sure Kaito was happy and well.

Then it happened. He had just started middle school, a very happy and outgoing child, eager to learn and make friends. He excelled in music class, being one of his passionate interests–he even joined the singing club. 

There was a school trip to a theater in a few months–all his classmates were going, and truth to be told he really wanted to experience it as well. He loved singing and wanted to hear other songs and voices in the musical play. However, his parents couldn’t afford it–they told him he couldn’t go, and he threw a fit, bursting into tears even. 

This wasn’t the only case. They could only afford to pay for their house and living expenses, there wasn’t enough for other things. His mother didn’t want him to grow up like that, different and unhappy. So she got another job. She ended up overworking. 

Kaito wasn’t aware why his mother wasn’t around as much, he was only told that she got a promotion, whereas he didn’t completely understand what that meant. One night he couldn’t sleep, and snuck downstairs to eavesdrop on his parents’ conversation after his mom got home pretty late. His dad tried hard to discourage her, to persuade her to stop, that they didn’t need her doing this.

He didn’t understand what was going on, or what they were arguing about. By the time the day of the trip arrived, she had accumulated enough money for him to go. He did go, and he had lots of fun with his acquaintances. When he got home to tell his parents all about it, his father was sprawled out on the couch, drinking an excess amount of alcohol. 

He remembered approaching eagerly to tell him how much fun he had, but his father broke a bottle on the floor and took hold of his collar, yelling, “You had fun, did you? I hope you did! I damn hope you did!”

His voice was slurred, eyes bloodshot, and he harshly let his child go onto the ground and grit his teeth. “That cost her her life. She’s dead. It’s your… It’s your fault…”

Just like that, he passed out. To say Kaito was scared and confused was a huge understatement. Well, it didn’t take him long to find out. His mother had overworked herself, gotten too many night jobs, she was sleep deprived. On her way to work, she fell asleep and crashed into a tree. The impact killed her. 

His father couldn’t maintain the house and living expenses on his own without her. They fell into poverty, had to settle for a rundown house. He usually arrived home very late, usually becoming drunk and passing out. Kaito knew this only because he was almost always awake well into the night. He couldn’t sleep without difficulty, nightmares about his mother haunted him whenever he closed his eyes. 

Sometimes his father arrived earlier, though. He would beat Kaito, letting his anger out on him. Kaito told himself he deserved it. This wasn’t enough to pay for causing his mother’s death. 

He would often fall asleep in class, barely process the words coming out of his teachers’ and classmates’ mouths. When he brought home a failed test to sign, his father would lock him out of the house for the night. Of course his acquaintances noticed a change in him–he would barely talk to them, his answers were short and blunt and he just wasn’t fun to hang out with anymore. He barely smiled or laughed, or made conversation, and failed most of his classes. He quit the singing club. No one wanted to talk to him anymore, he became isolated. 

Because of this, he was an easy target for bullying. His sleeves would be stapled together, he would be pushed against walls, locker full of rotten eggs. On a few occasions he was even beat up, but it’s not like he wasn’t used to it.

He became depressed. It was his fault. His father hated him, everyone hated him. His grades dropped, he became detached and isolated himself. 

His teachers noticed a change, they offered counseling and therapy but at every point he pushed them away. He would lock himself in his room and stare at the wall for hours at a time, curl into himself and let his tears hit his pillow as his shaky voice filled the room. 

One afternoon after a day in high school, Kaito arrived home to find his father collapsed on the floor, knife in hand, blood pooled around him. He had killed himself. The sight would never leave his mind. Not to mention it worsened his condition. 

From then on, he lived with his aunt. She was a kind person, living peacefully with her husband and taking in Kaito in pity. He never did open up to her–she looked too much like his mother. She heard him singing to himself once, and encouraged him to take part in a singing competition. He took her up on her offer, since singing was really one of the only reasons he hadn’t decided to take his father’s path himself. 

He easily won the competition, actually. His voice was amazing, a gift, he was a prodigy, the judges had said. He won a record deal, and Yuuki Saito became his manager. The competition had been broadcasted around the country, so he had easily won himself some fame and caught lots of attention. 

Kaito stares at Yuuki, wondering if he really deserved to be at this point. However, after being able to sing and finding this reason to live, his condition somewhat improved. He could smile and laugh more easily, could do things he enjoyed, play his favorite video games and watch his favorite television series to make himself feel better. Having Yuuki at his side also helped. He would become worse without warning, though that didn't happen as often.

"Here, let me talk to the director." Yuuki says, smiling and walking towards the head director. 

Kaito nods, and looks forward. “Cendrillon” was playing. 

Miku was on stage, wearing her full outfit for the music video. However, she was already practicing. They were already shooting. 

There was another man practicing with her. He was singing, even. 

Kaito recognized him as the same man from the night earlier, who saved him from the fast car. 

He looked even more handsome there, on the stage, dressed in Kaito's costume. He looked much better wearing it than he did, Kaito thought. His voice went better with the song. He looked so much better together there with Miku. They looked like a great couple, even. 

Kaito bit his lip harshly, trembling a bit. He tasted a bit of blood seeping through his cut lip.

Miku spins, but trips and stumbles due to her unfamiliarity with her heels. The man was able to catch her before she hit the ground.

He had a firm arm holding her back, and she stared into his eyes for a while. 

There, holding each other for support, Kaito savored how perfect they looked. Their masks, their outfits, everything just enhanced it. 

The man noticed someone off in the side staring, and looked in Kaito's direction after steadying Miku and letting her go.

They made eye contact, and quickly Kaito averted his eyes, embarrassed that he had been caught staring, and began to walk in the other direction back to the exit, hoping he hadn't noticed him so he could just leave. 

The whole song would be better with that man anyway. He was much better than he could ever be, probably actually deserved it, too. 

He feels someone grab his arm, and he jumps, but turns around nevertheless, immediately coming face-to-face with a gorgeous masked man. The man removes his mask. He shakes his head, closing his eyes, trying to fix his hair. Once he opens them, he stares at the gawking man. 

“Kaito.”


	3. Chapter 3

Kaito shakes him away from his grip, and grumbles, "You should get back to the set."

"Don’t be ridiculous.” The man says. “This is _your_ set, you know.”

"Oh! You've already met, I see!" A man says, smiling. He was the director of the video. "Let me introduce you. Kaito, this is Gakupo. Gakupo, this is Kaito."

Gakupo. Kaito hadn't heard of him. 

"He came to request a collaboration with Hatsune-san, you see, and since you were running late we asked him to replace you momentarily so she could practice." The director explains. "It'd be great if you could work together in the future, so please try to get along."

The director runs away, going to say something to Miku. 

Kaito quickly shakes his head and crosses his arms, "No way." 

The man was just too rude, too inconsiderate. 

Gakupo says nothing, arms crossed. 

"Kaito! You made it!" A girl says. They both turn towards the voice and notice Miku running towards them, sweat beading down her forehead. "I'm glad!"

"Right, uh, s-sorry about being late. I had overslept accidentally... I'm so sorry. I hope I-I didn't delay anything." Kaito mumbles, his heart beating quickly in his chest at the absolutely gorgeous girl before him. He was overwhelmed. Such nearly flawless people before him, absolutely beautiful, talented… He, in contrast…

"No, you didn’t.” Miku quickly responds, smiling. 

"I beg to differ.” Gakupo says, shaking his head and narrowing his eyes at the boy.

Kaito's breath catches, intimidated.

"Now, now, Gakupo. No need to be so harsh. You're just joking, right?" Miku asks, laughing a bit nervously at the tension between the two boys. 

"Right." Gakupo answers, though Kaito has a hard time believing him. 

"Alright, well, Kaito, try to get ready quickly. Gakupo is wearing your outfit, though it was stretched due to his broader shoulders and such. I'm sure there's another in the dressing room. Think you can do his hair for him?" Miku asks Gakupo. 

"Yeah." Gakupo replies, sounding a bit downhearted. He had done his own hair, and it looked amazing, but he wasn't very happy about helping such an irresponsible guy.

"Well, don't get too excited, you might pull something." Miku jokes, rolling her eyes. 

Gakupo begins to walk off towards the dressing room, stopping when he realizes Kaito wasn’t following him. “Well? Aren’t you coming?” 

Kaito blinks, “U-Uh, yeah…”

Once they’re in the dressing room, Gakupo pulls a chair back for him, and Kaito sits down a bit awkwardly. He begins to work on his hair.

"Wha— Ow! Can't you be a little gentler?" Kaito yells, surprised at the man’s lack of gentleness. 

"No." Was his quick answer. He grabs some kind of sprays and fluids and works on Kaito's hair. 

After that, he grabs some eyeliner and starts to work on his eyes. He leans in real close to his face, and Kaito finds himself blushing. His heart was beating a bit quicker than usual, and when Gakupo leaned in super close, their noses practically touching, he snapped and pushed him away. 

Gakupo's grip on the eyeliner stick staggered and he smeared some below Kaito's eye. He curses, "What the hell? You can't even stay still?"

"Wh— You were super close!" Kaito retaliates, blushing out of embarrassment. 

He didn't get so embarrassed when Yuuki got close to work on his makeup, but that was because he was comfortable around her. Her presence calmed him. Plus, he didn't have any, well, attraction to her.

This man, somewhat rude, quiet, and blunt, intimidated him and put him on edge. Not to mention he was very handsome, too...

"So what? It's not like I'm going to kiss you.” Gakupo says, sighing at the his childish reaction.

The mere thought and image of them kissing pops into Kaito's head, and he finds himself embarrassed to no end. No way he would ever want to kiss that bastard, bisexual or not. His gorgeous appearance didn't excuse _anything_. 

Gakupo wipes away the stray eyeliner. “Stay still this time.” He uses the eyeliner stick to work on his eyes, staring straight at him. 

Kaito stays as still as he possibly can, with his heart beating quickly. 

Gakupo turns away, much to Kaito's relief, though he comes back for the other eye. He continues to work on his makeup, until he's nearly finished. 

"What happened to your lip?" Gakupo asks, running a finger through Kaito's scathed bottom lip.

Kaito winces a bit at the direct contact with the trivial cut he had caused earlier, pausing. "I—um, it was an accident."

Gakupo grunts, and mutters, "It's going to be hell putting on any kind of makeup on that.” He gently puts gloss on his lips, being awfully cautious around the cut. 

He grabs Kaito's Cendrillon outfit from the hanger on the side and hands it to him. "Put this on." He says, also handing him a mask. "Take your clothes off. Scarf included." 

Kaito takes the outfit, waiting for Gakupo to leave so he could change in comfort. However, he stays. 

"What, do I have to change you, too?" Gakupo says sarcastically. 

"W-What, no! I just—" Kaito stumbles from word to word. He blushes deeply at the thought of Gakupo removing his clothes for him. "Waiting for you to leave."

"I don’t see why it should bother you.” Gakupo says. "It's obvious you have a crush on that Miku girl."

 _Why would he think that?_ Kaito asks himself, finding himself to be very embarrassed. 

"No, I— I don't..." He wanted to explain himself and clear up any misunderstandings - what he felt for her was not love but admiration. After all, he barely knew the girl.

"Whatever. I could care less." Gakupo says, waving his hand as if to dismiss the subject. 

He grabs his clothes from the corner of the room, and begins to undress, unbuttoning his shirt. 

Slowly, Kaito's face begins to turn red as he stands frozen, staring at Gakupo's bare chest. He was beginning to unzip his pants. "W-What are you doing?! Go change elsewhere!” Kaito yells, flustered and turning around, holding his blushing face in his hands. 

He was so pale; it was easy for the blood that rushed to his face in embarrassment to be visible. 

"You're such a baby." Gakupo mutters, grabbing his clothes and heading to the room next to the one they were in. 

Kaito sighs, leaning back on the chair he was sitting on. The image of Gakupo shirtless continued to appear in his mind, so he shook his head as if to get his head out of the gutter. He shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. In a swift motion, he gets up and carefully changes into the prince outfit set up for him for the video.

He looks at himself in the mirror. Being a bit scrawny, he only had height and a heavily altered by makeup appearance to his advantage. In all honesty, the outfit and role was better suited to Gakupo. Even his voice was…

“What’re you standing around for? You’ve already delayed the video shoot enough. Don’t make Miku wait even more.” Gakupo says, entering the room once again after finishing changing.

“O-Oh, you’re right, sorry.” Kaito says quickly, sighing as he tears his gaze away from the mirror. 

Gakupo purses his lips, and after some thought at seeing Kaito’s troubled expression, he asks, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just…” Kaito starts, lowering his gaze to the floor as he felt a lump in his throat. _I look horrible compared to you._ “Someone like me…” _… Doesn’t deserve this video shoot. I’ve already messed it up. I’m probably more trouble than I’m worth._

Suddenly, he dismisses the subject, smiling brightly at the taller man, “… Nothing, I was just a bit nervous.” He laughs, hating that he almost opened up to a someone he had just met. 

Gakupo narrows his eyes. _Nothing, huh?_ He knew something was up. From the night before to when he dismissed near death with a “So what?”, the quiet sobbing he heard, the troubled look on his face as he was looking at himself. He may have just met him, but there were obvious signs. However… It’s not like he cared much about him. He barely knew him. “Right. Well, just make sure not to mess up too much.”

He opens the door for him; Kaito is a bit surprised at the polite nature from the somewhat rude man. He smiles awkwardly, but Gakupo avoids eye contact. 

“Ah! Kaito! You look great!” Miku says after noticing them come out of the dressing room. “Great job, Gakupo-san! I knew I could rely on you!”

“You’re welcome.” He replies, cutting any chance for conversation. 

Miku leads Kaito to the stage, making idle conversation as she smiled and laughed with the awkward man. However, Kaito saw Gakupo beginning to leave in his peripheral vision. He didn’t know why he even cared, so he shook his head and dismissed the thought. 

The shoot started, and with a deep breath Kaito side steps and turns around, circles around her with a serious expression, and holds her hand as she arises, slowly stepping back to the edge of the stage as she sings in the center. His heart was beating quickly, nervous that he would mess up somehow. He had practiced the dance and lyrics for the song countless times, he was ready – and yet the mere thought of messing up overwhelmed him with fear. The thought that Gakupo had already left made him feel at ease that he wouldn’t be looked down upon by him when he exited the stage if he messed up or really did just not fit the role, yet it also made him a bit downhearted – he kind of wanted his approval. No… He _longed_ for someone to tell him he did great and mean it, not just say it to be polite. 

Then he saw him. As he was opening his eyes to begin to move, he saw Gakupo watching, expression serious, watching his every move with keen eyes. His eyes widen, but still he continues the dance, semi-dancing over near the stairway in a swift motion and reaching out to Miku, letting his voice fill the room. He got closer and spun around, standing next to her as they sang and danced in sync. He was worried his voice didn’t go well with one as high and amazing as Miku’s, worried that Gakupo really _was_ better for the song after all.

Miku stood some ways from the stage as he stood on the center, singing brilliantly and reaching out with dramatic motions. Gakupo watched from the sidelines, acknowledging how amazing the man’s voice was and how attractive he looked under the spotlight. It was no wonder he was gaining popularity at such a quick pace. Why he was so harsh on himself, Gakupo didn’t know, but he knew he had made the right choice when asking his manager to work with him. 

Kaito spins towards Miku, reaching out to her as she circles away from him and begins to sing again. He walks over to her, taking her hand in his as he kneels down and sings, looking deeply into her eyes as he stands again and takes hold of her other hand. However, there with their faces so close together and holding hands, he suddenly remembers Gakupo’s face so close to him as he put on eyeliner on him, how the brilliant curve of his jaw complimented his narrow bright blue eyes, how very attractive and alluring he was. He faltered for a second, and because of that as he let go of her hands and turned to spin and circle her, he tripped over his other foot and fell on his butt on the floor. 

“Cut!” 

His face turned bright red in embarrassment as he heard the muffled laughter throughout the room. Laughing, laughing… Laughing at _him_. Suddenly, that was all he heard, he couldn’t acknowledge how well the rest of his singing and dancing was, he could only acknowledge the mistake, the humiliating, _stupid_ mistake. He didn't realize he hadn’t moved from the floor until he saw Gakupo’s hand reaching out to him. Was he... going to replace him for good? _It’s for the better, it’s for the better…_

“Hurry up, we don’t have all day. I’m going to help you practice to get that part right.” Gakupo says as he helps the shivering man up. “You’re so nervous because you’re in love with her, right? Well, if you practice that part with me, maybe it’ll be easier next time.” 

Kaito’s eyes widen as he processes what Gakupo was saying. “You… I thought…”

Gakupo raises an eyebrow at him, “You thought what?”

“… Nothing. Thanks for the help and sorry for any trouble I cause.” Kaito says quickly, smiling even though in actuality he was more nervous than before. The reason he had messed up that time wasn’t because he admired her, but was Gakupo himself. He would probably mess up more if he practiced with him, but he didn’t want to let the man’s efforts go to waste or make the situation awkward. 

The music started from the beginning. It was an understatement to say Kaito was nervous. Near the part where he had messed up before, he was at the center, spinning and reaching towards Gakupo as Gakupo took it as a cue to circle away from him and start singing himself. He side stepped and retrieved his step, hands on his chest as he sang with a powerful, attractive voice. He looked away before turning his gaze on the approaching man, reaching his hand out. 

Kaito’s heart was beating quicker than it was when he was dancing with Miku, but he wasn’t about to embarrass himself again. He took hold of Gakupo’s hand; it was surprisingly cold compared to his warm one with sweaty, nervous palms. 

_“I tried to remedy her falling sadness.”_ He sang, kneeling down and gazing into Gakupo’s cold, serious eyes before standing up and taking hold of his other hand. _“Impulses running up my body like electricity, suddenly…”_ He felt a bit embarrassed singing this to someone like Gakupo, but did it nevertheless, stepping back and spinning without fail unlike last time.

They circle each other and reach for each other again, continuing to dance and sing even though the practice should’ve been over. As they face each other, Kaito wonders how and when the man could've possibly learned the dance. _“The lone prince in love with the princess…”_ They danced side by side until the lighting dimmed, the spotlight on Gakupo as he sang by himself. _“I still feel his warm breath rubbing up against my skin, but now it feels like a dream from long ago.”_

Kaito felt fidgety and embarrassed hearing Gakupo singing that, but obliged to singing his solo part after Gakupo finished his. They circled and danced beside each other again. _“Rip the dress, you won’t need it again. Throw off your crown, it’s well past its use. I connect with you by gazing into your eyes, and I feel a flame now ignite.”_

They side stepped and slid, spreading their arms out in the opposite direction and getting closer. _“As long as I do my duty and stop your tears, I’ll make sure you stay here with me.”_

Kaito reaches his arm to the camera and switches his gaze back to Gakupo, hands almost touching but quickly turning back and dancing facing each other again. _“This sensation fills me with such joy. Our deep love can surely never fail. My whole body feels like it’s been forever changed, almost like we’re in a fairy tale.”_

They face each other completely, and walk towards each other. Usually, Kaito and Miku pass by each other and end up opposite, ending the video there. However, right when he and Gakupo were next to each other as they were passing by, Gakupo took hold of Kaito’s hand and spun him around, hand on his waist and noses brushing as he looked deep into his eyes and felt his warm breath, intertwining their fingers before turning around, back against Kaito's as he closed his eyes. 

Kaito did the same. However, when the director signified the end of the filming, he held his face in his hands, knowing it was red from being so flustered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the dance moves from the Project Diva video as a reference, as well as Zoozbuh and TBOE's lyrics from youtube. You should really give both videos a watch! Thanks for reading if you've stuck around; comments are always appreciated so thank you for leaving any! If you have an ideas or constructive criticism to give, don't be afraid to do so.


	4. Chapter 4

Immediately after the video shoot comes to an end, Kaito rushes into the bathroom, trying to steady his heartbeat and hide his blushing face from the taller, handsome man. He turns the handle on the sink and splashes water on his face. 

_Why is that guy so attractive?_ He thinks with a scowl, shaking his head and telling himself to snap out of it. There's no way someone like him could _ever_ have a chance with a handsome, talented man like Gakupo. Sure, the guy could be rude and insensitive, but he had been a bit politer today than yesterday. Although, even if Gakupo’s attitude wasn't as rotten as he thought, it’s not like anyone would want him, anyway. After all, not even his own father wanted him, or was willing to keep living for him. He acknowledged his aunt’s love, but it’s not like she really loved him in particular. It was familial. If they weren't related, she wouldn't care about him. It was that simple.

Before his thoughts could get any more negative, there's a knock on the door. “Hey, Kaito? Are you okay?” 

The soothing, smooth voice belonged to Miku. “Yes, I'll be out in just a moment. Please excuse me.” He knew she didn't really care—not really. 

Kaito walks out of the bathroom, all smiles and waving off any questions of concern. Soon after, he completes the video shoot with Miku flawlessly. He is congratulated on his voice and dance moves by various producers and recorders, and as usual he smiles and answers with polite modestly.

Yuuki beckons him over, and he obliges, fidgeting a bit awkwardly as Gakupo’s cold stare remained fixed on him. “Gakupo wants to work with you. Sure, your styles are very different, but I think it will be entirely beneficial for you two to work together! What do you think?”

Kaito’s breath hitches— _work with me? Why would he want to work with someone like me?_ After all, the man had just implied he was irresponsible after arriving late; not to mention his stern stare as he danced and sang could only mean he was looking down on his abilities. He didn't blame him at all. 

“… I don't understand.” Kaito blurts out, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. He was convinced Gakupo disliked him, thought him to be irresponsible and untalented.

Gakupo sighs, shaking his head. “It's just what it sounds like. As in—working together on a song, singing it together. Both of us are gaining popularity quickly, if both of our audiences combined it would surely be beneficial for us.”

So, that's what this was about. _Popularity._ Kaito lets out a self-depreciating laugh. “I'm not interested.” 

The words escaped his throat faster than he can stop them. He himself was shocked, let alone Yuuki and Gakupo. 

_Selfish._ He thinks. Of course this was about popularity—what else would it be about? Why would Gakupo care about him? In the end, he just wanted to be loved, was it? Or maybe his dream to disregard popularity and instead strive to make people smile with his songs and voice was what was interfering—was he a good person after all?

Frustrated, he scowls and exits the studio, set on walking to his apartment even though it was miles away. “Kaito, wait!” Yuuki calls out. He disregards her plead and continues walking, intrusive and confusing thoughts frustrating him. 

“I apologize for this,” Yuuki says quickly, before laughing a bit nervously. “Would you mind if you gave me some sort of contact information? I assure you he just isn't feeling his best today, or thinking straight; we’ll get back on your offer shortly.” 

Gakupo considers his words before saying, “Did I… Did I say something to upset him again?” He thinks back to how he had harshly insulted the man just the day prior. He regretted being so rude—just minutes before their encounter, he had received horrible news corresponding to his younger sister’s condition. Not to mention he considered himself at fault for what happened; he was frustrated and angry at himself and ended up letting his anger out on an unsuspecting man in the street. 

“Don't worry about it—he's very sensitive, you see.” Yuuki answers, smiling weakly. 

Gakupo nods, knowing that fact from the moment he met him. He writes down his phone number on a piece of paper and hands it to her. “Also… Tell him that I'm sorry for my attitude. I hope I'll be able to work with him.” 

He leaves to go speak with someone else, leaving Yuuki confused on what Gakupo had said. Had Kaito met Gakupo before their encounter today?

She shakes her head, rushing outside to try to catch up to the dazed man. “Kaito, wait up!” She yells, running to him as he was quite far. Kaito turns around, raising a questioning eyebrow. 

Yuuki trips, her high heels having made it difficult to run, and lands on her knees. Her bare knees get scraped as a result. 

“Are you okay?!” Kaito asks frantically, running to her and slowly helping her up. 

“Yeah, sorry, I can be such a klutz sometimes.” Yuuki replies, smiling weakly as she is helped up. 

“No… It's my fault.” Kaito mumbles, glancing down to the floor and furrowing his brows. “I'm… I'm sorry.”

“It's okay, don't worry about it, okay?” Yuuki insists, pursing her lips as she knows how sensitive he can get because of incidents like this. Kaito opens his mouth to say something, but she stops him before he could get any more depreciating. “Listen, Gakupo said he was sorry for his attitude and that he hoped to work with you. He also gave me his number so you could contact him later.” She reaches for the piece of paper in her pocket and hands it to him. “Think about it, alright? He seems like a good person. This could be a good opportunity.”

Kaito hesitantly takes the piece of paper, nodding slowly and muttering another apology under his breath. She offers to give him a ride in her cab but he declines, claiming he was going to stop at a convenience store nearby. He didn't want to burden her by making her pay more for his stay in the cab. She nods, and takes her leave. 

Staring at the piece of paper, Kaito sighs and hesitantly enters the number into his cellphone, the only contacts there being Yuuki, his aunt, and his best friend Meiko. At some point, Miku had given him her phone number, but in the spur of the moment after being treated horribly in the _World is Mine_ response video, he had deleted it. He found it too awkward to ask for it again, and since she never contacted him herself after that, he assumed she didn't want to talk to him in the first place and only gave him her phone number out of politeness.

He stuffs the paper in his pocket and walks off in the direction of his apartment. Hearing his phone buzz, he reaches for it and sees a notification from an unknown number. He thought that perhaps it was Miku. To say he wasn't a least little happy she had contacted him first was an understatement—he was ecstatic. He thought maybe his singing and dancing was actually good, and that she wanted to work with him again. Eagerly, Kaito unlocks his phone and opens the message.

Unknown  
8:58 P.M. 

_Ugh, really? Can't we just ask that Gakupo guy to collab with me in Cendrillon instead? Kaito makes me uncomfortable, have you seen how he looks at me all the time? It's creepy. Plus, don't you think Gakupo suits the role better? He's really handsome and his voice isn't too deep like that other guy._

Unknown  
8:59 P.M.

_Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to send that to you, Kaito! Well, this is awkward…_

He stares at the messages for a few seconds before he feels a lump in his throat and hot tears tugging at his eyes. Backing into a back alley, he slumps his back against the cold wall and slides down, burying his face in his hands and letting out small sobs. He was so quick to cry, why was he crying this time? Because the person he had admired for years and wanted to be acknowledged by just called him an incompetent creep? Maybe this meant he wasn’t cut out for the world of fame after all. His voice wasn’t alluring, figure scrawny, attitude rotten… Maybe this meant he wasn’t cut out for the world at all. He could easily be replaced in the world of fame, he wasn’t special. After all, in most videos he starred in, he was comedy relief. He barely had many of his own songs as of yet, so Yuuki could easily find a better, more responsible person to look over.

All he did was mess up and mess up… Could he ever do anything right? It’s not like Gakupo was actually sincere when he apologized for his attitude. He just wanted popularity and audience, being nice was a tactic to get him to work with him. Why he would want to work with someone like him, was past him… He would be better off working with a grain of dirt, wouldn’t he? Why didn’t he realize that? Miku seemed to realize that just fine.

Realizing he was getting bad again, he opens his contact list and presses Meiko’s phone number through his blurry, tear-filled eyes. She knew of his depression and trauma because they were friends ever since he was in elementary. Even when he became isolated and distant, she still strived to stay close to him. Her mom was friends with his mom, and always offered him a place to stay after his mom died in the accident. He didn’t want to impose, so he never did take her up on her offer, but he felt safer with them than he had with his own father. In a way, being with Meiko made him feel safe–he knew he could trust her when she said she would be there for him. He had promised her to contact her whenever he felt he was getting bad again. 

After a ring or two, the person on the other line answered the phone. “M… Meiko? I-I’m sorry for bothering you again, b-but I…” He chokes back a sob, though it was clearly audible on the other line. “I just need someone to talk to… I don’t think I can do this anymore…”

He sobs weakly again, before hearing someone yell. 

“You, give me all of your money!” Frightened, he turns towards the voice to see a middle-aged man pointing a gun straight at his face. He freezes up for a moment, breathless and unable to process the situation. “Hurry up! D-Do you want to die?!” The man yells, looking around nervously to make sure no one was around. 

_Do you want to die?_

The words echoed in his mind as he considered his response.

 _“Kaito? Is that you?”_ A deep voice asks on the other side of the line. It belonged to Gakupo, he immediately realized. _“Where are you? Are you being attacked?”_

His eyes widen, realizing he had dialed Gakupo’s number instead of Meiko’s. Immediately, he hangs up, shock overwhelming him. 

“Put the phone down!” The man yells frantically, threatening to pull the trigger. 

_Pull the trigger, pull the trigger…_

_Run away, run away…_

He found himself slowly putting the phone down. Despite how much he constantly thought of death, when push came to shove, he was scared. Frightened. He was disgusted at himself being such a contradicting hypocrite. 

“The money!” The man shouts. “Don’t make me repeat myself!”

“I-I… I… I d-didn’t…” He stutters, realizing he had forgotten to bring his wallet that morning.

“I don’t need your lies! I know you’re filthy rich! Famous, aren’t you?” 

_Famous, aren’t you?_

Was he really, in the end? Wasn’t he really an undeserving child who didn’t understand his place in the world?

To say he was frightened was a huge understatement. He was terrified at the thought of a sudden death like this, he wasn’t ready, he wasn’t ready at what would await him at the other side. Staring at the gun, he noticed the man’s fingers were on the trigger, trembling. Just like that, it went off, although it seemed rather accidental. Kaito let out a scared gasp, tears springing from his eyes like a leak as someone tugged him to the side harshly by the arm to avoid the bullet by the skin of his teeth. 

Before he knew what was happening, the man got a side kick to the jaw and fell over, hitting his head on the wall of the side alley and immediately falling unconscious. 

It takes Kaito a while to realize how hard he was crying, his body shaking with intense sobs and cheeks stained with hot tears that fell onto his trembling hands. Someone reaches for him, offering to help him up, but he immediately flinches away thinking it was someone trying to hurt him. 

“I have no ill intent, I assure you,” Gakupo says softly. However, he didn’t seem to hear him, as he was rocking back and forth, arms clutching himself through the fabric of his sweater and leaving scratches on his skin. Seeing the boy so frightened–completely broken and vulnerable like this made his heart ache. He felt sorry for him. Carefully, he carried Kaito in his arms and helped him inside the car a few streets away. The driver said nothing when noticing the blue-haired boy next to his boss’s son, instead continuing the ride to the destination. 

Arriving at Gakupo’s mansion, he carries the boy again through the grand doors and is immediately welcomed by the staff his parents pay for. At some point, Kaito had buried his face in the man’s chest, his blue hair covering his face and his tear-stained cheeks so the only thing the staff saw was a boy covered in dirt from sitting on the road of the back alley. 

After preparing a bath, Gakupo tells Kaito to clean himself, as it would make him feel at least a little bit better. He leaves him in the grand room with a huge bathtub, leaving a change of clothes on the stool and going to wash the dirty outfit in the laundry. He lets the staff know that he will be away helping his guest with a few things, so as to not bother him. After quite a lot of time, he knocks on the door being a bit concerned, entering to find Kaito trembling in the bath. The water had gone cold after a while. 

He considered reprimanding him on staying in the bath for so long, but decided against it since he knew what the boy had been through just a while prior. “Come on, you should get out of the bath, now.” He says, and when Kaito looks up at him, the edges of his hair soaked and sending drops of water on his cheeks, his eyes looked so dim and dead it scared him.  
“I didn’t… I d-didn’t…” Kaito was struggling to speak, gaze falling to stare at his wrinkly hand through the clear water.

“Just… get changed. I’ll call Saito to pick you up later.” Gakupo interrupts him, not wanting to have him push himself to speak. He turns around, about to leave, but he feels a grip on his arm just as he is about to do so. The sleeve of his sweater is immediately soaked with water at the contact, although Kaito pulls away just as quickly. 

“I-I’m sorry… I…” Kaito stutters, not knowing what he was doing. He couldn’t think straight, still dazed from the incident, and didn’t realize he had gotten out of the bath.

Immediately, Gakupo turns around from the naked boy, cheeks stained with red as he tosses a towel to him. “… I’ll wait outside.”

Kaito dries himself with the towel, and changes into the clothes Gakupo had left for him. The shirt and pants didn’t fit him much at all–they were much too big on him as Gakupo’s shoulders and body overall were much broader. The shirt almost reached his mid-thighs. Going outside as Gakupo had said, he’s lead to a fine bedroom where Gakupo tells him to sit on the bed. 

His weight leans on the comfortable bed. He had never been on one as comfortable and large like this. Kaito’s make-up had worn off from the long day and bath, making his eye bags easily visible. He looked exhausted.

“You should get some rest. I’ve contacted Saito, though it’s already very late and I didn’t want her traveling the streets at this hour. She’s convinced you should stay over.” Gakupo explains, shutting off the light and turning on the desk lamp to focus on his studies. 

“I didn’t…” 

He turns around to find Kaito already succumbing to sleep on his bed, mumbling something under his breath. 

_“I didn’t want to die…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for taking over a month to update. My laptop was acting up, and I got a bit engrossed in the Project Diva games. Anyways, I'm a bit unsure about this chapter, since it seems kind of fast-paced. I might choose to edit it later on, so I'll appreciate any constrictive criticism, feedback, or ideas.


	5. Chapter 5

For once in a very long time, Kaito slept a full night without being disrupted by nightmares or an alarm, or both. He slowly flutters his eyes open, blinking two or three times before his vision focused as it should.

The room was dark – curtains closed and lamp turned off, sunlight barely seeping through the curtains. He gets up, scratching his head and rubbing his eyes. His cell phone was on the surface of the drawer beside him – he was grateful to Gakupo for leaving it on an easy-to-see location. Reaching for it and unlocking the screen, he learns that it was a bit passed noon already. He couldn’t have gone to sleep that late – perhaps at nine or ten in the evening, for just how long was he asleep? It was no secret that he was very behind on his sleeping, getting an average of four hours a night usually because of work or restlessness, so in a way it wasn’t a surprise that he had slept for so long to make up some of the debt. 

Not only did he learn the time, he also took notice to the various messages he had gotten from Miku. 

_Unknown  
9:54 P.M._

_I’m sorry, I didn’t hurt your feelings, did I? That wasn’t my intention, I meant to send that to my manager._

_11:31 P.M._

_I understand if you don’t want to work with me anymore, what I was saying about you was a bit rude, but that was just my opinion on you stated bluntly. I didn’t really mean any offense on a personal level, so if possible I’d like to keep working with you. You’re kind of popular so it’d be really beneficial if you disregarded what I said._

_1:56 A.M._

_Fine, whatever, since you’re ignoring me I’m guessing that’s a no._

He didn’t know how to respond to her, really. He took what she said about him very seriously, ended up in tears, even, but should he still take her up on her offer? But... She was right, after all. He was sure Gakupo was better suited to the role in Cendrillon, both in voice and figure. Gakupo’s voice was so smooth and handsome, not too deep like Kaito’s. Not only that, he had very broad shoulders and was a bit muscular, not to mention a lot taller and more handsome, in Kaito’s opinion. He had made up his mind on that thought, and the accidental message only reinforced it. 

Sighing, he steps into the closet and changes into his clothes that had been cleaned, leaving the one’s Gakupo had lent him folded neatly on his bed. He slips his phone into his pocket and glances over to Gakupo, who was seemingly fast asleep, leaning over on his desk from his chair. His usually picked up hair was let loose, beautiful strands of purple stretched throughout his back. His sleeping expression was peaceful, calming even, that Kaito couldn’t help but stare. He shakes his head, remembering Miku’s words – how she called the way he looked at her creepy. He decided to refrain from gawking anymore.

Kaito reaches for the door knob, trying to twist it as quietly as possible as to not wake Gakupo but failing as a deep, husky voice called out to him, “Where are you going? Don’t you at least want breakfast?”

He turns around to see Gakupo staring at him, peaceful expression replaced with a frown. He yawns, awaiting Kaito’s answer.

“N-No, I should really be going now…” Kaito says, an awkward smile on his face as he scratches his cheek. He didn’t want to burden the man anymore – he had caused him enough trouble already and thought he didn’t deserve such kindness. 

“You’re… not hungry?” Gakupo questions, raising an eyebrow. There was no food at the video shoot the day earlier, and as far as he knew Kaito had gotten mugged on the way home and never ate anything throughout the evening and night. 

“It’s fine, really! I’m not really hungry.” Waving his hands in rejection, Kaito responds modestly, although a few seconds after that lie, his stomach rumbles loudly. Of course he was hungry. He didn’t have breakfast yesterday because he was late to the video shoot, and failed to eat anything throughout the rest of the day. But he didn’t want to bother Gakupo even more and overstep his boundaries; Gakupo had been nice enough to him – a mere stranger – already. 

He feels his face redden after his lie was exposed, and quickly turns around again and puts his hand on the doorknob. “A-Anyways, I’ll be going now.”

“You really don’t take care of yourself, do you?” Gakupo asks, sighing softly. He tucks a strand of his purple hair behind his ear, closing his eyes momentarily. Kaito stares at him – he had just woken up and yet he looked so… handsome. His hair was just beautiful, it looked so smooth and, although it was a bit embarrassing to think this, his bedhead made him look very handsome. 

“No, not really…” Kaito mumbles, lowering his gaze before he was caught staring, a bit ashamed. But it’s not really like he thought he deserved to be cared for…

Gakupo was expecting this answer. There were quite a few experiences to reinforce this fact. From when they first met and he dismissed a near-death, to the little interest for his own wellbeing, not to mention the visible eyebags under his eyes now that his make-up faded after he cried a waterfall and fell asleep…

But what really stood out amongst all those experiences… must’ve been the phone call. _“I don’t think I can do this anymore…”_ The desperate, broken voice that barely made its way to the other line, wrecked with heart-wrenching sobs… Although he acted so normally now, just after the incident he had been so… broken. He looked… almost lifeless, so vulnerable. It reminded him of when he saw his younger sister, bedridden, hospitalized, eyes lacking their usual gleam as she cried her eyes out when she thought no one was watching. 

_“Why…?”_

_“…Why… me…?”_

The mere memory of it enraged Gakupo, but mostly… it made him sad, broke his heart to millions of pieces every time the memory found its way back to him. The way Kaito was the day prior… reminded him so much of that horrible day. He didn’t want anyone else to end up like his sister… Because not only was his sister effected, so was his family. His father had cried into his wife’s shoulder, shaking her with sobs, and though his mother tried to appear strong and kept her cheerful act going, when she was alone in her room she would weep uncontrollably. And Gakupo… Gakupo never let his emotions shake his outward appearance after that. That had only happened once, after he saw his sister crying. He had nearly destroyed his room, bed and drawers and clothes scattered and cut to pieces by his sword.

And Kaito… He was sure there were people who care about Kaito and wouldn’t want to see him that way. He was sure Kaito didn’t realize it, but… His life was not only his. The person he meant to call… Meiko? He had recognized the name belonging to a very famous, popular, and beautiful singer… Unless he was making things up, she even had a collab with Kaito, singing “Wintry Winds”. The song and music video was present in Gakupo’s music gallery – he found the song to be very beautiful and their voices to blend very nicely together. Kaito’s voice was… enchanting, if he had to describe it. It was one of the deepest voices he had heard before, and yet equally, if not more beautiful to listen to than most higher voices. He loved Kaito’s voice and had man of his songs in his music gallery. He was much too embarrassed to say that to Kaito’s face, although he figured Kaito already knew how beautiful his voice was. It was no doubt Gakupo knew his own voice was pretty nice, which was the reason he was so sure of himself to pursue a music career and halt his dojo leadership. 

Whatever the case, he found that he wanted to help Kaito. Although, of course, having a collab together with him to make more profit from his music career came first, he wanted to help Kaito in between it all, if he could. Because he knew there was people who cared about him, who would be hurt to see him hurting himself like this. 

Gakupo had been staring at him for quite a while that soon Kaito came to the realization that his make-up had faded, shock overcoming his senses as he starts to rush into the bathroom to reapply some. Without make-up, he must look so ugly, just _disgusting._ His pimples must be clearly visible scattered across his face, large eyebags repulsing whoever came near him… He was so distraught that Gakupo saw him. 

“You look fine.” Gakupo states, deducing why Kaito seemed to be in such a dilemma.

Kaito hadn’t heard those words in quite a while, not because everyone thought he looked ugly without make-up – rather, because he never went anywhere without make-up. Even if it was to visit his best friend Meiko’s house, or to discuss future music videos with Yuuki, there was no way he could go anywhere naturally. Because when he woke up in the morning, when he looked in the mirror, all he felt was disgust. The pimples, the eyebags, the uncanny resemblance to his father when he fell to alcoholism, he couldn’t stand it, it made him want to smash the mirror. 

“Thank you, but you don’t have to say that just to be nice.” Kaito answers, immediately regretting saying it. He had just made things awkward. “A-Anyways, really, I’m very grateful for your kindness but I should really go now.” 

“Are you going to reject Miku’s offer for Cendrilon?” Gakupo suddenly asks, changing the subject. “I got messages from her asking for me to take part in the song instead of you.”

A brief silence overtook the room before Kaito smiles and says “Of course I am. You’re much better suited to the role than I am.”

Gakupo raises a questioning eyebrow. “How so?”

Blinking twice at the unexpected question, Kaito frowns. “What do you mean?”

“How am I much better suited to the role than you?” Gakupo repeats himself, sitting up on the chair and gesturing for Kaito to sit on the bed. 

“What…?”

“Go on… Explain your reasoning.” Gakupo says, taking hair pins from his drawer and beginning to brush his hair. 

Kaito fidgets a bit, embarrassed to say his thoughts aloud to someone he didn’t even know that well. He sits on the bed and starts to explain nonetheless. “Well… Your voice is nicer. Mine… Mine is too deep and doesn’t go well with Miku’s, you know?”

“Our voices are just different in tone. Yours goes just fine with Miku’s.” Gakupo responds, grabbing the spare hair pin he had kept handy between his lips and starting to pick his hair up in a ponytail. 

“W-Well… You have a… nicer…” Kaito trails off, not knowing how to word it without embarrassing himself. He couldn’t just say, “You have a really nice face and body and you’re really, really handsome.”

“A nicer…?” Gakupo repeats, urging for him to continue. When Kaito doesn’t continue, and instead lowers his gaze to the floor, he sighs and says, “What, a nicer face? Is that it?”

Kaito’s eyes widen, so Gakupo knows he had hit the nail right on the head. He sighs, pulling his hair into a final ponytail and looking at Kaito. “Believe me, you’re quite attractive yourself. Why do you think you have such a large fanbase, besides your voice?”

“But that’s only because…”

“Because of make-up?” Gakupo interrupts him, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t feed yourself lies. You’re plenty attractive without the make-up. You can get rid of the pimples by trying out different kinds of ointment, I could recommend you some. As for the eyebags… Well, you should take care of yourself better. Then you wouldn’t have to spend so much on make-up trying to cover them up.” 

“You’re right, but…”

Even if he did try to take care of himself better and fix his sleeping schedule, the nightmares wouldn’t leave him alone. He didn’t want to bother Gakupo with his problems, so instead of letting him know he just responded with “Nevermind.”

He makes up his mind to leave once and for all, getting up but tripping over his own foot and beginning to fall. Gakupo sees this and, with fast reflexes, stands up and tries to catch him. However, he’s halfway through steadying himself before Kaito collides with him, and they both fall back onto the chair. Kaito’s arms are pinning Gakupo back on the chair, their noses brushing.

Kaito’s face heats up at the closeness, and in shock he is unable to move for a while.

“Gakupo! It’s late enough already, how long are you going to sleep in?!” A feminine voice yells, swinging the door open to reveal the two boys in close distance of each other. It almost looked like they were about to kiss if someone were to see them without knowing the situation.

“Oh… Am I… interrupting something?” The middle-aged lady asks, blinking twice to process the situation. “Gakupo… Care to explain why there is a guest in this house without my permission?”

Immediately, Kaito gets up, face flushed in complete embarrassment at being caught in such a compromising position. 

Gakupo straightens himself, sitting up on the chair. 

“S-Sorry, I’m very sorry,” Kaito says quickly, bowing down to the lady guessing she was the owner of this house. “For intruding, that is… I’ve taken advantage of my stay here for much too long… I-I’ll be going, then!”

“Kaito, hold on.” Gakupo says, sighing. “Mother, this is a someone I’m working on something at work with. He came over to discuss some matters.”

“Oh, the workers here have told me all about him… Looks like he slept over, huh? You could’ve asked for a spare room, Gakupo, I know your father and I were out late at night yesterday but I’m sure they would’ve given him the guest room nevertheless. Sleeping on a chair couldn’t have been all that comfortable.” Gakupo’s mother says sternly, shaking her head and directing her next statement at Kaito. “Gakupo rarely brings friends over, though, so this is kind of a shocker. He’s always been more of a loner.”

“Mom.” Gakupo says, glaring at her. It was embarrassing for her to tell him that.

“Well, anyhow, I’m Kamui Ai. Nice to meet you!” Ai says, extending her hand for a handshake. 

“I’m Shion Kaito. N-Nice to meet you.” Kaito responds, shaking her hand timidly. “Thank you for your understanding, and I’m very sorry for imposing…”

“Oh, you’re not imposing at all, dear! It makes me happy to know Gakupo has more than one friend!” Ai says, smiling widely. “Now, you must be hungry, yes? I’ve made some breakfast! I was already aware there was a guest, so don’t worry about there not being enough.”

Kaito bows, “Thank you for your generosity, Kamui-san.” 

“You don’t need to thank me so much, it’s fine!” She says reassuringly, heading to the dining room. 

“Well?” Gakupo asks. “Aren’t you coming?”

After she had already prepared a meal for him, it would’ve been rude to decline her offer, so reluctantly Kaito took her up on her offer. He was starving, after all, even if he had been severely modest and continued to deny their tempting offers. 

When they arrive at the dining hall, Gakupo takes a seat at the table surrounded by many people. It seemed the majority of them were workers hired by Gakupo’s parents, and yet… They all ate together? Timidly, Kaito takes a seat next to Gakupo, a delicious-looking miso soup and bowl of white rice waiting for him. He almost began to drool at the scrumptious aroma that trailed from the soup, tempted to start eating it right then and there.

“Oh?” A man says, peeking from above the newspaper he was reading. “Is this the guest everyone was talking about?”

Kaito wonders if perhaps they also knew about how Gakupo had carried him inside, dirty and face filled with tears and all… He was embarrassed at the mere thought of them knowing. “Y-Yes, I suppose so… I’m Shion Kaito, a… co-worker with Gakupo-san… Nice to meet you.”

The man raises an eyebrow. “A co-worker, eh? Interesting. I’m his father, Kamui Daichi. You would do well to watch yourself in how you treat Gakupo.”

“Dad.” Gakupo says, stopping him from continuing any further. He knew how overprotective his father was and didn’t want to scare Kaito away. 

“Y-Yes…” Kaito responds, lowering his gaze and cowering away from the conversation. The man was very intimidating, his glare strong, and not only that Kaito just felt very awkward in general, like he didn’t… belong here. He didn’t deserve this delicious food, the kindness he was being given, the generosity… He deserved – 

“Aren’t you going to eat?” Ai asks, tilting her head from her seat next to Daichi. “Don’t worry about Daichi, he’s just very overprotective. In reality, he’s one of the sweetest people ever!”

“Ah…” Kaito mumbles. “W-Well… Thank you for the food.” He says before taking a sip of the miso soup. He’s alarmed at the surprisingly delicious taste of the soup, and is driven to take another sip. Since his mother had died around middle school, he had already forgotten what home-cooking was like. Ever since her death, he had resorted to eating microwave meals and takeout. Yuuki offered on various occasions to cook for him, or even to teach him how, but Kaito declined every time. Who was he to burden her with his wellbeing?

About halfway through the meal, he can’t eat anymore. Gakupo glances over at him curiously, wondering why he had stopped so suddenly. He himself ate both the miso soup, white rice, _and_ some fried pork with ginger on the side. He and Kaito were around the same age and figure, so he thought they’d eat similar portions. It seems Ai thought the same, too, as she speaks up and asks, “Was it not to your liking?” 

There is an evident look of hurt on her face, and immediately Kaito responds with, “Oh, no, it was one of the most delicious meals I’ve had in a while. I’m just not used to eating so much, is all.” He laughs a bit awkwardly, trying to ease the tension. 

Ai frowns, knowing a man in his nearly in his twenties really shouldn’t be used to eating so little. She thought she had served him too little, actually, and was expecting him to ask for seconds. “Is that so? Well, then maybe Gakupo should invite you over more often so you can get healthy with Ai’s ultra-nutritious cooking!”

“Ah, no, I don’t think –” Kaito starts, but Gakupo interrupts him. 

“Maybe sometime next week. We should discuss what we’re going to do for our collab, after all, I think here would be the best place.” Gakupo says, taking another bite of his food. 

That answer was unexpected. Kaito thought Gakupo disliked him when they first met, from the small insults _idiot_ and _irresponsible,_ to the stern gaze he had when he was watching him perform on stage. And yet, from that evening forward when he saved him from the mugger and been so generous to lend him a place to stay, and how he reassured him he was right for the prince role in Cendrillon… He couldn’t understand what was going on in Gakupo’s mind. In the end, he figured Gakupo was just being polite and a good person. In reality, he probably still thought lowly of him… 

Excusing himself from the table, he washes his dishes in the kitchen sink, thinking blankly to himself before Gakupo appears beside him, also washing his. “So, you’re going to accept Miku’s offer, right?” 

“Well…” Kaito trails off. In all honesty, he was thinking of refusing her offer despite Gakupo’s attempt at reassurance. He was just being nice, he didn’t actually think his voice was all that nice, right?

“Kaito, I already told Miku I wasn’t going to replace you in the song. If you also refuse the offer, who knows what would happen to the song?” Gakupo explains, drying the last dishes off and looking at him. “Besides, they already made your costume for the music video, with your exact measurements and all. You’ve already practiced it with Miku various times, I even helped you. You’re just going to let all of that go to waste? That’s a bit rude, don’t you think?”

Kaito doesn’t respond, so Gakupo continues. “Listen, I think we both know Miku isn’t all smiles and kindness as she portrays herself to be. I know she can be pretty mean and insensitive, trust me, I know. And… I don’t know if the reason you were so distraught yesterday on the phone was because of something Miku said to you, but you shouldn’t let her words get to you. I’m sure she just has an inferiority complex and takes it out on people. Trust me when I say your voice goes magically with hers, and is perfect for the song. The costume looks great on you. Stop doubting yourself over something she said and being so critical to yourself. You’re okay.”

When Kaito looks up at Gakupo, he notices the smallest hint of a smile on Gakupo’s lips, an expression of sincerity and honesty. It dissolves into seriousness as soon as it came, though, so Kaito thinks maybe he imagined it. But his smile… was so beautiful. He was always so serious all of the time. 

_‘Stop doubting yourself over something she said.’_ He frowns at hearing that, because he had been doubting himself much before Miku had said anything to him. He doubted himself every time he took the stage at concerts, wondering if he deserved all of his fans who came to see him, who asked for his autograph and to take a picture with him. When he did video shoots with other singers, he wondered if he was worthy of working with them. Was he really as good as everyone said he was? Was it okay for him to be where he was?

He didn’t know, but at that moment he realized that… All this time, he longed for reassurance and praise from another singer. _Real_ reassurance, not the polite words Miku and others spout after the end of a shoot. He longed for someone to tell him he was okay, that his voice was okay, his appearance was okay, that it was okay to _exist._ And somehow, Gakupo was starting to do just that. 

“T… Thank you.” Kaito mumbles, gaze averted to the floor. 

“What?” Gakupo asks, as he hadn’t heard him clearly. 

“Thank you.” Kaito repeats, much louder this time, smiling a real smile – something he hadn’t done in a while – directed right at Gakupo. “I really needed to hear that.”

It was clear – the difference between his forced and his real smiles. Gakupo stares in awe at how cute Kaito looked, smiling happily like that. He could feel his cheeks heat up a little before he turns around to hide it. 

“Right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flustered Gakupo is so cute, I love writing him getting all embarrassed. More about Gakupo's sister and Meiko will be explained in the next chapter. Thank you for reading and please leave a review if you enjoyed or want to leave constructive criticism.


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